index


'granola' dream

its always been my dream to live in japan. ive seen the tiny ramen shops, and even since never wishing to be that close to a handful of strangers, especially while eating, id still wait for 5 hours to... and the gachapon machines make me drool. the extra fun keychains and little toys! please just one!!!! and the way anime and idols and manga have such a big prescence in the rich culture there makes me feel like modern japan was selfishly crafted to hold a place for a hysteric girl like me. i daydream every second about living there, maybe alone, or with a roommate, or something, and i can happily get out of the house every day, and be able to explore every square inch of the country, and document it, and meet friends along the way, and drink with them, and party, and learn things, and see things, and feel like the world isnt so ugly and cruel all the time. maybe to escape, or feel like i have a life that i asked for.

i read travel blogs about japan all the time while kicking my feet thinking that this could be me one day. and i search for vlogs like every day. and i follow several japanese blog twitter accounts.oh may i be blessed with a trip there. you know, i think 1 month would do perfect. then id know whether i like it or not. too bad i live across the globe. and i cant just step outside over there... i fantasize about travelling all over the place, i love being lost and learning, but japan is definetly one of my favorites!

im doing pretty well in my japanese studies, too! im almost finished with my first JP notebook. its been a little over 800 days. i slacked off like, 200 days in there, so im a little behind. but im determined... and its fun. im glad. i study every day. and watch videos. and listen to music. and incorporate it in my everyday convos. like any weaboo. but i have goals. im happy.

and of course i have a to-do list
use a kotatsu. when i think of them, i remember a video i saw of a cat exploring under one and happily sleeping. so i believe the hype i see about them in anime... honestly, i really could just buy one online and have it delivered to me here in america. but, i dont think it would be the same... another wish is to drink tea and "like it." ive never been really into tea, it tastes too green, but i havent put much effort in exploring tea either, so maybe i could be brave about it if im in japan. ill be really disappointed if i really cant grow a liking for it.
kulturekween.com/eki-stamp-japan-train
one of the blogs i refer to. This one introduced me to eki stamps. A must!
livejapan.com/in-hokkaido
some manhole cover art i have saved. just to think about.
Tower Records
I do collect CDs, so a place like tower records isn't an odd place to find myself losing my marbles in... I might need some help reeling it in (I just start viscously drooling at the sight of cds)
x.com/courtbanashi
the legendary bl basement. "This is K-BOOKS Ikebukuro Otome Pavilion, the basement floor is all BL focused. You access the stairs from outside, it’s close to Sunshine City Mall and the Prince Hotel." write that down sister
This account also has some useful tokyo-bl-oshikatsu haul/shopping threads. Appreciate
Rob the gachapon
GashaponBandai's Twitter I really really love, it posts new adverts for more toys and keychains. One of my biggest recurring motivations that really makes me want to be there right now
the hidatakayama retro museum. i think i saw a tiktok video about it.
id like to press flowers. ive never done it before but i had the idea and it sounds easy. i dont expect all of japan to look like a garden or be free for picking, but if i get an opportunity.
Of course I'd like to take a lot of photos, but thinking about it, somethings I must capture, the sky, the roads, the greenery. And more really random details that seperate this land from my own. Like, kotatsu, and floor-cushions...? There's not anything that comes to mind but I'll figure it out when I get there, right?... haha
K-BOOKS, doujinshi shops, libraries

Lingerie stores- Not that I'm a lingerie or bra geek in any kind, I'd really just spend thousands on it if I could afford. I'd feel a huge empty pit in my stomach if I'd visited without stepping a single toe inside my promised land.
Japanese Bras: The How, Where, & Why [GUIDE]
G+ Japanese brands and where to buy them
[Store Review] Bra shopping in the Land of the Rising Sun - Tutu Anna, Aimerfeel and Peach John

Postcards- Another one of the things I really like to collect. I love little cards, and the art and novelty of them is just perfect for collecting. Also not that expensive of a hobby. I'm going to rob
I'm pretty sure by now japan is known for it's dangerously cute everything, but specifically sweets. Dango, melon soda, those parfaits, sometimes they're decorated from anime collab cafes, cookies, the cutest loaves of bread you've ever seen??!! I need me a slice right now. For serious


But more than all, (and on a more non-material level) even if I can't reach the things that would fulfill my own goals and happiness, I just, hope to keep existing. And continue being true to myself even to crowds that don't want me here. Because I need to exist, people like me need to exist... going against the norm is so important. Being unafraid to be like nothing anyone's ever seen before... I just need to BE!! I already am. It's like, the easiest thing ever. After having been bullied my entire life and wanting to be able to exist and be proud of the things I'm insecure about instead of changing myself. Often I feel so useless and pointless for just not being able to do anything at all. But I'm a gay girl making things in times like these come on now no matter how useless I am I'm proving something, by being myself, in someway... if you get it... there's been thousands of people just like me before... 1 snicker or bump in my road isn't the end... right!